Poetry: “Buttocks And All, Or The European Bodybuilder” By Mark Parsons

Rocky Kitchen, a dedicated bodybuilding trainee, had plenty of time to visualize his future chest development during the three hundred mile round trip he made from Vero Beach three times a week. 

Indent Several of our staff noticed Rocky was finally getting discouraged, and had an idea. The latest European bodybuilding magazine had just arrived. Its cover showed a bodybuilder from the waist up, his hands behind his head.

Indent “I’ve got an idea,” said one of the staff. “We have some photos around here of a pair of heavy set female buttocks which we were planning on using in a hip-slimming article. We can cut out the chest cover and place the buttocks behind the cover, where they’ll project through. Then we’ll make a print of the entire picture, buttocks and all!”  

Indent The new cover was prepared. The fellows in on the joke were amazed at how real it looked. The European bodybuilder now had the thickest pectoral muscles in history.

Indent “It makes Ross and Eifferman look like flat-chested girls,” somebody said.

Indent The big moment arrived. Rocky drove up as usual in the late afternoon. “Hey Rocky!” said one of the fellows. “We’ve finally got the new chest machine built and we’ve been secretly testing it in Europe. Take a look at one of the trainees.”

Indent “Damnation,” Rocky replied as he stared at the picture. “Those are the thickest pecs I’ve ever seen. Book me on the next flight to Europe.”